The Wretched Year (part one)

Near mile 10 of yesterday’s run my chest started getting irritated. As a direct result, so did I.

“What the hell,” I muttered to the empty morning streets. A little further on it hit me. Nipple chafe. Rookie move, Lutz. Rookie move.

While getting ready for my run I had decided (while still asleep, apparently) that I would wear the shirt from the ShamRock ‘N Half in March. After all, my sleep-deprived brain reasoned, I wore it for that event and I was fine.

What didn’t happen while I was getting ready was the application of Band-Aids on my sensitive and pink, yet manly, man nipples. A must-have on this guy’s longer runs.

Thankfully the chafe wasn’t harsh enough to draw blood, but it was enough to remind me of the many lessons I have learned over the past year.

Just shy of one year ago, I listened to a good friend talk about the many marathons she had run. Despite doctors telling her it wouldn’t be possible earlier in her life, she did it anyway. This was inspirational stuff, and I’m a sucker for inspirational stuff.

Though I had been avidly walking for quite some time, dropped a lot of weight because of it (60 pounds if you’re wondering) and was quite active all around, it wasn’t enough. I had been itching to run for some time. I had previously walked/ran a 5K event held by the local hospital association, but I wanted to RUN a race.

I shared my feelings (yet manly feelings) with CK, who was a smoker.

“I’d better quit then,” she said. When I questioned why she would need to quit smoking when it was something I was wanting to embark on, she said she wanted to as well. And having someone to do this with would only keep me accountable and motivated. When you really want to accomplish something, nothing can stand in your way.

Since this time last year, we’ve run multiple 5Ks, one 10k (soon two be two), four (soon to be five) half marathons and one full marathon.

And even though it’s said that running is one of the few sports that requires no equipment, that’s just not true. Shoes are important in almost every sport, except swimming (in which case flippers would seem like a smart option), but none more so than running. I was running in shoes a size too small and didn’t realize it. Newbies to the world of running might try to sidestep a professionally-fitted pair of shoes (much like I did), only to realize that this is folly. Utter folly. Folly, I tells ya!

Plus, if you want to keep track of your progress, a running app or GPS watch won’t hurt. You’ll also need a water bottle. Running belt. Proper moisture-wicking apparel. Socks. Gloves. Balaclava. Energy gels. Bodyglide. Hat. Did I miss anything? Oh, knee pads if you’re prone to tripping.

In this year (one of the truly best of my 43 years), I’ve run more in training for races than I have in races. Which is as it should be. But I also haven’t signed up for races in a (manly) willy-nilly fashion. Each one was thought out. How far is it? Will travel be involved? Are we running anything else close to that date? Is it a flat course? Are there hills? Did the race coordinators lie about it being a flat, fast course? What the hell was I thinking? The only race we’ve signed up for on a whim was the San Francisco marathon this coming July. It’s 26.2 miles. We will have to travel. We are running a 5K on July 4 in Roseville. It’s not flat. There are hills (San Franscisco, people!). Race coordinators realize it’s not flat nor fast. What the hell was I thinking?!?

To date I have run 1,322 miles (tracked with the Runkeeper app on my iPhone), and that was from the time I started tracking my runs, about a month after I started running. So far this year I have run 423.34 miles.

In all that time, the only person who said I couldn’t do it was me. Plenty of friends and relatives have questioned WHY I would do all this running, but they’ve all been super encouraging. And I’m happy to report that even though I said I couldn’t do it, I’ve proved myself wrong on every occasion.

My thoughts are my own worst enemy, but I’ve slowly learned to shut them up when they start second-guessing me.

I can get pretty philosophical about the past year if I really want to, but I won’t. Not yet. Instead, I’ll bring it all down to this: I’m not going to forget to bandage my nipples before a long run ever again.

And CK is still smoke-free, so running works miracles in my opinion.

Distractions on the Run

I’ve only run one holiday-themed event, and that was a run to feed the hungry on thanksgiving. And I’m sure there are plenty of Christmas and Easter runs (maybe a Passover Dash?), but the above strip is more about the bevy of sights that can be a distraction when I’m out running. Beautiful scenery, wildlife, paper carrier turf wars, the usual stuff. But when I start to notice the things around me and not necessarily what’s directly in front of me, I can lose focus. Not always a safe thing. Much like every aspect of life.

So, no matter your religious or non-religious observances, please make sure to always observe the road ahead.

Happy Running!

The Wretched Question: GPS vs. Phone Apps

I’ll admit it. I’m a techno-enthusiast. I love gadgets. If it’s shiny and has buttons, I’m fascinated and want to play with it. The invention of the smartphone almost made my head explode. Back in the day, calculator watches were just as fascinating. It was like buttons on my wrist suddenly made me a super-spy.

So when I learned there are watches that can track runs like the myriad of smartphone fitness apps (I use Runkeeper), I really really REEEEEALLY wanted to try one. Or two. Or all of them.

This is where the conundrum begins. Are the watches any better than the apps?

Here’s the first major difference: Most of the apps are free (with more features available unlocked with a minimal monthly fee). The watches range anywhere from $69 for older ones to a couple of hundred for newer, fancier models.

Less expensive watches also seem to have fewer features such as making me a cup of coffee.

But there are a few other differences. A watch might be easier to use, because it’s on my wrist instead of my upper arm, where I carry my phone. It’s difficult for me to view my phone in the midst of a run due to the fact that I don’t wear my glasses when I run. Cuts down on the looking cool factor, don’cha know.

I say “might be” since I have yet to try a GPS watch.

The other plus to using an iPhone is being able to listen to music when running. There are some watches like the Pebble which sync via Bluetooth to the phones, but then that feels like carrying even more when part of what I want to do is cut back on how much I’m carrying.

I think I will eventually get my geeky hands on a watch, but I want to know what others think. I’d like recommendations. I’d also like the most features at the lowest possible price. Because I’m a cheapskate.

The Wretched Search for Energy (in bit form)

When I was a kid, somewhere around 11, our in-ground swimming pool became the victim of neglect. The once-crystalline blue water became green and murky. What is usually referred to as pond scum began to grow upon the surface, giving us our very own science experiment (or giant Dagobah playset).

Before too long, little squiggly creatures began appearing. They would feed on the green scum, swimming from one muck island to the next. I caught some in a jar with the water and green gunk to observe them more closely. I was quite proud of my Sea Monkeyesque discovery.

Until some jerk-headed adult pointed out I had a jar full of algae being eaten by mosquito larvae. And I was extremely allergic to mosquito bites as a child. I’d swell up like Violet Beauregarde. I immediately chucked the jar full of allergens.

Thus began my lifelong aversion to algae (because if it feeds the things that make me look like Rocky in the final round, nothing good could ever come from it … Right?).

So if you told me that 32 years later I would be eating a handful of algae, I’d say you were full of Soylent Green. It’s people, people!

But a spunky Boston company and a night of barely any sleep guaranteed I would be swallowing a handful of algae in pill form.

If I haven’t mentioned it in previous posts, I’m an early morning runner. Crazy early. Three in the morning, to be precise. It’s just cooler and there’s far less traffic to deal with and it starts the day off right and I don’t have to explain myself to you! But getting up at such an insane hour makes it necessary to get to bed at a decent time. I tend to hit the hay (moo) around 7:30pm.

Last night, however, I had a bout of the much dreaded insomnia. I don’t always have it, but when I do, it’s when I want to get as much sleep as possible. I got a miserable two and-a-half hours. Being (or at least trying to be) a silver linings-kind-of-guy, I kept in mind that I still had a sample packet of ENERGYbits. I had agreed to review the product (Hey, look! You’re reading it now!) if they sent a sample my way. When the alarm started screaming, I could have easily re-set it and slept for one and-a-half more hours. But that wouldn’t do much to improve my mood, so I got up to run instead.

So what are ENERGYbits? Yep, algae. In tablet form. That’s the simple answer. Spirulina algae to be precise. And let me be clear: Spirulina algae isn’t what I was playing with as a kid. That kind is spyrogyra. Spirulina is safe for human consumption. There are all kinds, really, and if you do a Google search, your head will explode with the sciencing.

According to the documentation that accompanied my ENERGYbits sample,

“When ENERGYbits algae tabs are swallowed prior to a workout, fitness class or run, it improves your energy, clears your mind, increases your stamina and eliminates your fatigue or hunger. They are 100% vegan, 100% raw, 100% NONGMO, 100% kosher, and contain over 40 vitamins and minerals, 64% protein – the highest concentration of protein in the world, Omega 3, antioxidants, chlorophyll, nitric oxide”

… and a partridge in a school bus. Kidding. I added that last part, in case you’re a moron. There are plenty of testimonials and product information on their web site in case you want to know more.

One tablet is one calorie. One serving is 30 tablets. That’s right. You have to swallow 30 of these little guys if you want all those supposed benefits. So I did because I did.

Now Jonathan Levitt, the company’s Community Manager said he recommends swallowing, although some people chew them. Personally, I cannot recommend chewing. I’m with Jonathan. So I did.

Did I feel energized when I hit the road? No. I was exhausted. But I didn’t expect our little green friends to make me a perky lightning bolt. But I did feel better than I thought I would for such a little amount of sleep.

Was I faster? No. According to my Runkeeper app, this was my 40th best time for running between six and eight miles. But I was also recovering from the half marathon two days prior.

What I can say is this: my mood throughout the day remained surprisingly upbeat, and I was able to maintain focus on my workload. This wouldn’t have happened in the past after insomniatic episodes. I just made up the word insomniatic to show how focused I am.

I have a feeling that if I want to experience the full benefit of ENERGYbits, I will have to try it on a regular basis. The company is pretty generous with discounts, which is a good thing since one order costs about $115. But, as Levitt pointed out, consumers get 33 servings for that $115, which comes to about $3.50 a serving ($2.50 with the discounts). Seeing that the Clif shots Coach Kitten and I usually take on our long run about that same amount, this could be a comparable deal.

I’m pretty open to enhancing my running experience and my health, so I’ll report on an expanded trial in the coming months.

And, don’t worry, I won’t damage any delicate sensibilities by talking about how my body digests those little green algae tablets.

Running of the Elk (warning: no actual elk were seen in this race)

This is probably one of the first races where I didn’t stress prior to the event and my nerves didn’t keep me from sleeping the night before – almost.

I awoke sometime after 1am from a dream where I was trying to pee with a blanket around my neck before the race, and I hadn’t turned in my bib for runners’ role call. Whatever that’s supposed to be. Apparently if you didn’t answer in time when the announcers called your name, you had to start the race near the back. I shook off the dream, took the blanket from around my neck and went to the bathroom.

The dream left me a bit frazzled and sleep came and went the rest of the night. I awoke exhausted. If there wasn’t a race (paid for, with a reeeeeally pretty medal) I would have rolled back over and gone back to sleep. Until Wednesday.

I also had zombie dreams, but that’s because I’m going to miss The Walking Dead until it returns in October. I love that show.

I really didn’t have any goals for the race, which took place on wide, flat country lanes in the undeveloped fields around Elk Grove (gee, where’d they get the name for the race?). Like most other races my only goal is to run the entire race and finish.

On the technical side of things (it’s about to get Runnerspeak up in here), I started with a pace of 8:18, eased into a 8:17/8:16 pace and eventually leveled out to a 8:22 min/mile.

There wasn’t a lot to see during this race aside from an abandoned Ghost Mall (coming soon to a theater near you – but not at this mall), frolicking horses (which I learned about after the race) and bloody nipples.

A quick word about the Ghost Mall: this structure is on the southern outskirts of Elk Grove. The developers got so far as to build the frames of the various buildings, then ran out of money. The shell of a structure sits there, unused to this day, as it has for years, a testament to poor planning.

Since there was really nothing of interest to look at after that, I watched other runners. I watch their tempos, gaits and stances. I kept pace with those that looked strongest. It seemed to help. I brought my own water, so I didn’t need to slow at the aid stations. Ha ha! Suckers! Kidding. Carrying my own water is a pain. But it saves me from having to slow down or stop altogether.

Disclaimer: I had planned to try a sample of ENERGYbits and review the product. I even brought it with me, but left it in the car. Thankfully, I brought a Clif shot (which I call orc’s blood), and ate that around 6.5 miles. Since I have six miles to run in the morning, I’m going to try the ENERGYbits then to see if they’re what they claim.

I finished the last leg, amping up my pace in the last quarter mile or so, like usual. That stroller-pushing chick was NOT going to beat me! I passed her and her lazy, freeloading kid, and charged through the finish without tripping on any of the photographers.

As I waited, camera at the ready, for Coach Kitten to cross the finish, I witnessed one guy cramp-up, unable to run, let alone walk any further. Another guy collapsed James Brown-style. And a third guy came across the finish in a long-sleeve white shirt, bloody spots where presumably his nipples are, streaks of pink coming down the front of the shirt. I had to wince at the sight.

Though I didn’t set out with any goals, I matched my first half-marathon finish time of 1:50:55 (which is also my best time so far). This tells me I have a real chance to get a PR at Avenue of the Vines coming up in May.

And there was one elk. It was a person in an elk costume. Damn furries are infiltrating everything.

Time Travel

There’s no going back. We may make the same mistakes now and again, but it’s not possible to go back in time to correct those we’ve made.

Thankfully, the road ahead gives us plenty of opportunity to make better choices and learn from the road behind.

Tomorrow I will run The Running of the Elk in Elk Grove. I don’t know how I’ll do, but I do know that it will only add to the experiences I’ve been using to fuel the comic strip.

Yay! Fodder!

The Wretched Comic Strip

Cartooning is my first passion. I’ve been drawing far longer than running. So it may come as no surprise that I’ve been trying to combine my two passions for some time. It occurred to me that I had to jump right in, just like I have to do when I have cartoonist’s block. It is with pure glee that I introduce my latest comic strip which will appear here (hopefully weekly), The Wretched Mile: